ARTICLES / General /
How the West Was Won ... /
Other ArticlesBy Mechelle Abney
Miss Kitty, How the West Was Won, John Wayne,
Rawhide
OVER and OVER and OVER again!
POW! POW! BANG! BANG!
Blaring at a million decibels through the
airwaves like an Indian's arrow soaring through the
hot, desert, day.
OVER and OVER and OVER again!
Feeling like a jailed fugitive forced to watch.
OVER and OVER and OVER again!
Caught in the moment like a stray bullet
f-e-e-l-i-n-g the anger rush to my head. “Turn
it down!” I scream in my head.
OVER and OVER and OVER again!
Every day, the sounds of the blaring TV remind me
that my once simple and carefree life has changed forever. Gone are the days of
careless wonder and freedom. Choices to
sleep in or
get up and go are long gone! Now I live the
life of a caregiver. One I didn’t choose, but
willingly do. In many ways, I am proud to do
this job, this task, this commitment. “But why
do I harbor these feelings of anger?” I ask myself.
Anger
manifests itself in many ways. Too much
eating, drinking, sarcasm, not enough
sleep. Feeling denial, avoidance and guilt.
Slowly moving from optimism into pessimism.
Fearful these manifestations will rear their ugly
heads to the person I most deeply care about,
love, and gladly take care of. Will he feel
this anger? Will he feel my resentment?
I wonder. Or
will he understand and know that I love him very
much and would do anything for him? Will he understand that this frustration is only my
inability to cope? My – sheer – inability to
cope with his slipping into the depths of aging – and death.
