ARTICLES / General /
Convincing a Loved One... /
Other ArticlesBy Marie Marley
Virtually no one wants to either live in a
nursing home or place a loved one in such a
facility. However, according to Linda
Breytspraak, Center on Aging Studies, University
of Missouri-Kansas City, “Today, people over the
age of 65 have about a one-in-four chance of
spending time in a nursing home.”
Most elderly people who have a clear and
compelling need to be in a long-term care facility
desperately want to remain in their own homes. They
want to be in a familiar setting and be close to
their family members.
Family members are often adamantly opposed to the
idea as well, even when a nursing home is clearly
what is needed. It may be that a spouse previously
promised to never put them in a nursing home. It
could also be that a child made the same promise to
a parent. In many cases, it’s even more difficult
because a loved one’s objections usually make the
family member(s) feel guilty about the very idea of
institutionalizing them.
The decision to place a loved one can be
agonizing, but caregivers need to consider the
following:
Long-term care placement can be the most
loving choice when absolutely needed to ensure
the person receives all the necessary care, is
around others for social stimulation, and is in
a safe environment.
Their promises (if any) were made years
earlier when no one could have foreseen the
current conditions that are urgently requiring
the kind of care that a nursing home provides.
Caring for a loved one is probably seriously
affecting their own physical and mental health
and wellbeing. No one can be a good caregiver
if they are exhausted and burned out all the
time.“
I often work to convince reluctant spouses
to change from being a ‘caregiver’ to being a
‘care advocate,’” says William G. Hammond,
founder of the Elder and Disability law firm in
Overland Park, Kansas. “They can then be
vigilant to ensure their loved one is receiving
appropriate treatment in the facility while
preserving their own health.”
